Boyfriend to Girlfriend: Darling main tumse shaadi nahi kar sakta gharwale mana karrahe hai.

Girlfriend: Tumhare ghar mein kaun kaun hai?

Boyfriend: Ek biwi aur 3 bacche…

A family was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US . It was sent by one of the daughters.

The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it when they opened the lid they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:

Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Smitaben and Varsha,

I am sending mothers body to you, since it was her wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home.

Sorry, I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.

You will find inside the coffin, under her body, cans of cheese, 10 packets of Tobler chocolates and 8 packets of Badam (peanuts) please divide these among all of you.

On her feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan. There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha’s and Lakshmi’s sons. Hope the sizes are correct.

She(dead mother) is wearing 6 American T-Shirts. The large size is for Mohan.

Just distribute the rest among yourselves.

The 2 new Jeans that she is wearing are for the boys. The Swiss watch that Reema wanted is on her left wrist.

Shanta masi, she is wearing the necklace, earrings and ring that you asked for. Please take them off her.

The 6 white cotton socks she is wearing must be divided among my nephews. Please distribute all these fairly.

PS : If anything more required let me know soon as Bapuji is also not feeling too well now a days..

Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?

Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.

Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.

Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

Bania’s son: Daddy meri door ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banwa do.

Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Woh dekh kya hai?

Son: Suraj

Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.

**WARNING**
THIS IS NOT TRUE IN CASE OF EVERY SAALI. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!

Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty

Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension

Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi

Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA

Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool

Saali is Tooti - Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi

Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE

*Ek Dukhi Paati.*

Wife: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye thay.

Husband: Kya bataoon, sab galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Mohan & Sohan were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.

Mohan: Sohan, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hai.

Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..!

Ek chor amir aadmi ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”

Jate jate chor seth se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

Bania market jata hai underwear purchase karne.

Bania: Yeh kitne ka hai?

Shopkeeper: Rs 500.

Kanjoos Bania: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, party wear nahi.

If you have two agarbattis on a boat but no source of fire. How will you light an agarbattis if you are in the middle of the river?”

Some answers are:
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1) Throw an agarbatti into the river. It make the boat lighter. Use it to light agarbatti

2) Throw an agarbatti in air and catch it. Catches win matches. Use these matches to light agarbatti

3) Take some river water, let it fall drop by drop. You know that “Tip-tip barsa pani, pani ne aag lagai.”. Use it to light the agarbatti.

Add more stupid answers u can….

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.

Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.

Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Maalik: Tum bathroom mein kyu ghus aaye, Kya tumhe pata nahi tha ki mein naha raha hoon?

Naukar: Hazur galti ho gayi, mein samjha tha begum sahiba hai.

Ek gora aadmi tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha.

Tabhi woh apni patni ke paas jata hai aur poochta hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya”

Aur phir uski biwi ne jawab diya, “Darling main bhi hot tum bhi hot sayad bachcha jal gaya hoga.”

Chintoo : Aaj maine apni class mein sabse pyaari larki ko phansa li..

Friend : Woh kaisey?

Chintoo : “Class lagi thi.. Maine kaghaz ka jahaz bana ke Phainka. Jahaza teacher ke pass chala gaya. Uss ne ghusey se poocha yeh kiss ne phainka? Maine us larki ka naam le liya aur who phans gaye bichari.”

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called? Student: I don’t know. Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called? Student: They r called Germs.

read more | digg story

True Love is like a pillow U could HUG it when u r in trouble U could CRY on it when u r in pain U could EMBRACE it when u r happy Want True Love? Spend Rs50 BUY A PILLOW

Never think of the past It brings tears… If you think of the future It brings fears… So, live life in the present And drink chilled beers!

What do I do when I see someone extremely Gorgeous, Attractive, Terrific, Cute, Fabulous…. I Stare, I smile, And, when I get tired….. I put down the mirror !

What is the similarity between CIRCUS and a BEAUTIFUL GIRL’S HEART? Both have space for 1 more clown…

Its difficult 2 understand GOD, He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives!

Sardarji was asked, what is a adult joke? Reply came any joke which is eighteen years old.

He said… Do u love me just coz my father left me a fortune? She said… No stupid, I’d love u no matter who left you the money!

A newly married girl got first class in her B.Ed exams. Her husband sent telegram to her parents - Ruby First Class in Bed!

Lady : So, you want to become my son-in-law? Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any
other way 2 marry ur daughter!

A police recruit was asked during exam, “What would u do if u had to arrest ur own
mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”

A police recruit was asked during exam, “What would u do if u had to arrest ur own
mother?” He said, “Call for backup.”

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying u really messed up my life…

LAGA CHUNARI ME DAAG CHHIPAUN KAISE
LAGA CHUNRI ME DAAG CHHIPAUN KAISE

ARRE CHHIPATI KYOUN HAI, SURF EXCEL HAI NA.

JEWELLARY SHPO ME 1 AADMI KI JAM KAR PITAI HUI

KARAN

VO SALES GIRL KO BOLA

AAP KI EK EK ITEM GAZAB KI HAI
AAP KE SONE KE RATE KYA HAI.

Boss to scertry, book my ticket to london,
aur suno mera naam DK, BHOSE likhwana
varne waha BHOSE.DK announce hota hai.